kristin has been a bad kristin
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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