In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
