it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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