i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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