So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize