GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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