Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
