maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude i'm inner monologue high
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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