i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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