youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
