How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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