Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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