Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
