Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
