IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
