My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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