Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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