last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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