we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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