she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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