i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize