think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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