I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
