i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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