dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
