i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
