i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
