I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
