note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
