He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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