it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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