I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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