I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize