If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
