i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
