but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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