can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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