I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
3 2 1 whiskey
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
