i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
