Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
