I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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