Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
