He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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