I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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