she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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