Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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