I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize