Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
