the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
