did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
