I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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