Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
