I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
