Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
