Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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