I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
