if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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