two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
