So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
50% drunk capacity currently
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Randomize