So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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