google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
