sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
