He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
