Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
