I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize