Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
