I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
